You Know a Movie is Bad When…

-the blood and fire is computer-generated.
-you can tell it’s going to be bad within the first five minutes, even though the movie involves a Japanese swordsman.
-the movie is edited as to make the scenes go along with music that wasn’t even orchestrated like a music video.
-nothing is going on and out of nowhere, a chubby college-aged Japanese kid is running around in a loincloth screaming and pretending to be a samurai.
-that same kid appears in another horribly choreographed-to-the-background-music scene.
-a movie about Japanese swordsman has a tap dancing scene to end it.
-you finish a nearly two-hour movie seeing basically the same characters over and over and you don’t know a single one’s name.
-the final shot of the movie is the main character tripping.
-the main character is massaging a lady, but the camera angle makes it look like he’s doing something else combined with the fact that this isn’t a comedy.
-the best scene in the movie is when the main character realizes that two geisha (behaving like prostitutes tonight) are looking for money and one of them is a male.
-you’re in college and it’s midnight and midterms are coming up and you have nothing better to do than to post on your blog about one of the worst movies you’ve ever seen.

That movie is “The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi”. Stay far away from this movie.